Building a Support Group Part II

The picture above is just a small group of us, and as you can tell I am the best looking. It's a burden I have to carry with me, but I live with it. 

As mushy as the last post was, this part is just as crucial as having Myles and Wonki. I want to be very clear - I understand everybody has a different  situation and I do not take that lightly. I am very blessed to have a large percentage in my family still involed with each other. 

So this next post, is dedicated to the family. 

Growing up there was always one thing you can count on. A small gathering for my moms side of the family was a minimum of 50 people. Shoutout to my grandparents for having the foresight, but in the grand scheme of things, logistically speaking, having such a massive family is a nightmare. But with that logistical nightmare comes with your uncle promising to build a tree house in that mango tree that never got done, or your mom some how managing to miss the mango tree and rock your cousin on the head with that heavy ass garden rakes. After a quick Google search it's called a "lawn thatch rake." My personal favorite was taking what felt like 24 people in a 7 passenger van all the way from the buttcrack of Miami down to Texas and not in Miami weather and  having to eat cereal with frozen milk in the middle of Louisana. 

All this back story to give a glimpse of the wild shit that has gone down with my family and that's just surface level. 

Here's the day, at 32 I have to call my parents about what went down. Then eventually, little by little having to have all the conversations with all the cousins, then the aunts. Imagine having 19 first cousins, five aunts and two uncles and having to repeat the same story. At first you get emotional, and by the 45th time telling the same story you get numb to it. BUT it's very important to know that, as much as I hated having to repeat the same story over and over and over and over and over again. I vidily remember being with about five or six of my female cousins, and them talking about "what the f*ck" in their own way of saying it. As different as their responses were, one thing stayed constant, if I needed support or help in anyway they were there to let me vent and I'm pretty sure one of them said they were ready to throw hands. The Guim's don't play and they low-key scare the shit of me, but I digress. 

After multiple conversations with so many different cousins, they just let me talk shit, it helped in ways that they won't understand. It doesn't have to be the general "you're going to be alright, just give it time" speech. You come to a point where you begin understanding that going through this season in your life is lonley and having those people who will let you just fly off the handles and just listen is a huge relief. 

I'm aware that many people don't have this luxury. You might feel embarassed to talk about it and there will be a moment where you feel like a massive loser. Trust me, when I tell you, you're not. You're someone who loved the f*ck out of his family and you are lost. I played every single scenario, every correction I could have made, every little tiny detail but playing everything in hopes that the outtcome changes to what I wanted, and thought was needed was unrealistic. 

In all honesty, this is probably the best situation I could have found myself in right now. Life is progessing, we're moving forward and we're growing. As much as it hurt to have to go through this, it was necessary and having this ground support made it easy to help navigate. Had this not happened, I wouldn't be here giving support to those who need it. Those dudes who are lost, those dudes who are close to calling it quits. I am not claiming to have all the answers, nor am I claiming to be the only person to deal with the sort of heart break but t's important that you take what you can of my story, and try to use it and learn from it. 

I'm just a regular dude going through shit just trying to make it too. 

You'll get to where you need to be, and if you don't have the luxury of having close family or close friends, message me, reach out through social media or whatever. I'm glad to be here to support you brother in whatever capcity I can.